Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
