I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
