dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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