in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
