Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
