Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
