You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
