a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
