i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
