I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
