That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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