I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
