this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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