So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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