just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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