wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
