Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I bet he comes in French.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
