my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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