You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
