I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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