I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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