Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
