Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
