One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
