the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
