i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
