tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
