Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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