Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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