...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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