Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
