At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
