She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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