Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
