I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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