We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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