I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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