she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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