Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
