I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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