Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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