it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
