I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
