4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize