I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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