why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
