Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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