Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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