I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
no, he came in my armpit
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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