alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
