Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
