Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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