...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
