i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
