Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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