Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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