Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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