Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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