WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
