I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
