Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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