Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
