He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
