We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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