I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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