you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
