We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
