a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
